the new resume

Peter: I want to learn how to rap like a gangster.

Dave (yeah, my boss): You’ve seen my ass. Val, you’ve seen my ass, right?

Melvin: I’d be a good homeless guy.

Melvin: Can I have some red plum wine?
Asian Waitress: Led prum line? Ok.
(Walks away.)
Dave: Who knows what you’re about to get.

(about my joke)
Andrew: Send me an email. I want to read it and laugh on my own time.

Val: Wow, this girl got gang-banged by nine hundred and nineteen people in one day!
Melvin: Holy shit! Val, that’s like 6 more than you have!