the new resume

“Our new enemy! … is Elijah Medge.”

Text message later that day: Medge thinks you’re a pussy.

“We’re also up against Joe Nolan… who sounds like he should either be a sports broadcaster or the host of The Man Show.”

“I have learned the secret to motivating you guys! … it’s Medge.”

“Our new competitor is a name we’re all familiar with, because we heard it so often in the Atlanta Office… Zach Zufall. We’ll change his name to Didfall.”

Nick: “… Zach Zufell and can’t get up.”