January 2010
18 posts
Isaiah: How’s my cat? Valerie: Dan’s trying to pawn it off. Isaiah: On who? You, I hope. Valerie: On Andrew, on me, on anyone. Isaiah: You should take it and keep it there. That’ll show him!
everything Dan says is funny
Great story.
Julie: Did you know that when Israel was two people thought he was six? Once time Randy told the census bureau that he was six and they called me and said, “Why are not all of your children registered in the local school districts?” And I said, “Well, they are!” And they said, “According to our records you have not registered your son Israel.” And...
Israel: Valerie, the only person in my family you haven’t rucked yet is… Dan. Dan (sighs): Well, let’s get this show on the road.
Dan: Valerie, do you realize that if we hooked up we would be uniting all the Carr children?
Isaiah: Judah says he wants to have sex with you so that we can tie in that side of the family.
I don’t usually quote myself, but…
Valerie...
boom, roasted
Ashley: Not long after the birth of Christ, when the most debauched phase of Roman history began, the wife of Emperor Claudius — Messalina, 34 years his junior — made a name for herself by challenging the city’s best known whore to a sex marathon. YOU ARE DOING THIS too bad you’re also the best known whore in boise ziiiiiiiing
Ashley: LMAO Actress Galeria Copiola still...
Gabby: i love that you can go from “i prayed” to “i’m having great sex”
Andrew is singing and Dan is hilarious
Israel: So you guys must have noticed that Andrew is a pretty big gay. Dan: Yeah, I did notice! I thought it was Valerie singing so poorly.
Israel: Andrew, you should hear some of the things Dan and I are saying about you.
Dan: I admire your undeserved singing confidence. … Dan: No, no, most people don’t have the balls to sing that poorly.
Isaiah: So if you wear cowboy boots, the promise you make with your body is that you will always have fun.
Andrew: I miss hockey… and locker rooms.
Talitha: There is no such thing as true love. There is lust and there is complacency.
Talitha: Valerie, you could try this bread. It’s only 45 calories! Valerie (reading label): 45 calories and delightful! Isaac (screaming from the other...
milkin' the goats
Israel: Show me on this goat where he touched you.
Israel: She’s had sex with more of my siblings and cousins than Valerie has… and that’s saying something!
Israel: Shit’s about to get real… dark. (turns off the light)
Ashley: i was like, “so greg, what does she do?” and he was like, “music and cellular biology” and i was like, “OH MY FUCKING GOD MUSIC—wait what did you say after that? ohhh thank the good lord valerie.”
Ashley: i make the cat leave when i watch porn i’m like, “there’s no need for you to see this”
looking for a good place to eat...
Julie (Israel’s mom): Burger King? Isaac (Israel’s nephew, 5 years old): Naaah… Julie: Chile’s? Isaac: No… Julie (laughing): Hooter’s? Isaac: Do they have big toys there?
Isaiah: Don’t worry, Valerie. Israel’s still Jewish.
Anwen: I thought it was Dad! Because you know how he roams around in the garbage.
Jason: Nobody ever really parties. People just drink alone in groups.
Ashley: that’s right lady with a baby, you wish you were chatting with val
Stephanie: well Stephanie: there they want to see how good you can bs me: yeah Stephanie: like one time i wanted to get burgers at white castle. but one thing led to another and i didn’t make it. but i learned all about myself and got to see Mexico
Israel: I think if Valerie’s head exploded, I would grab her limp body and use it as a human shield. I would dive down right here behind the snow and lay her body on top of me. Eventually, though, I think I would get bored and get up and then Dan would shoot me.
Isaiah: She’s the only person that can make me hate cigarettes. She smells like herself… and yet she makes me hate...
on Afroman’s “because I got high”
RHChicP13: oh fuck them RHChicP13: not at all a one-hit wonder Mara 875: its the only one most people (outside of boise and in a ten foot radius of you) would know
RHChicP13: I’m gonna get laaaaid tonight Mara 875: fuck youuuu Mara 875: oh wait, you are Mara 875: super fuck you Mara 875: wait, Mara 875: you’re sick! Mara...
god, I hope so
Ryan: Valerie, do you think any retards are gay?